30 July 2007

today's get-up 31july2007

i've been rose-pinked!!

i went to get my hair colored..... then the stylist somehow convinced me to get my hair cut. i like it!!! but i do miss my hair!! suddenly i feel really bald.

i chose a rose-pink color. kinda reddish, kinda pink. it looks different under diferent kids of lighting. oh yeah.

oh bloody hell. try as i might, i can't get it to look pink in the photos!!! #&$*#*!($#&**!!

my friends and ex-bosses, roger and yvonne, have all been pretty obsessed with this thing called phiten. it's been pretty big in japan all the while, but i never paid attention to it cos i thought it was all nonsense. it comes in all sorts of bracelets or necklaces (mostly really ugly) but the expensive stuff actually look like nice silver jewellery. it actually has some micro titan balls embedded within, and when you wear it, it apparently helps circulate your blood, which in turn gives you better energy, helps you sleep better, and overall improves your health. well the two of them and our mutal and family friend, edmund, swear by it. in fact, they talked so much about it, my sis and i decided to get some for ourselves and our family. we thought of buying it here in singapore but it's like major expensive so where else to buy it from but where it originated from... japan. much thanks to von and rog who just went there with our huge shopping list. i got myself a turquoise hello kitty phiten. i love it! it's so cute and doesn't look anything like a health product!

and beatrice made me the bracelet with that girl in a crown. isn't it so freaking cute? plus, i love crowns!

yesterday i went for dinner and drinks (i ate a cow and ended up with a tummy ache) with some old friends and ex-teacher, 6 of us in all, from secondary (middle) school. i've known them since i was 13 and we used to play hockey together. i haven't seen some of them in years, but i think because we used to share this huge bond (4 years of extra-tough training together AND winning the gold medal. of course we have a bond!!) together, all those years apart didn't matter when we started talking. it was like time had stood still all along and we're all still the same silly 16 year olds!! i had a lot of fun...... i've got just 2 to 3 weeks before i pack up my bags and leave for new york. i've gotta make sure they take leave off work to meet me again before i go!!

it's disgusting how we look the same after all these years!

how do you know when it's right?

Originally uploaded by Krali

do you remember that episode in season 4 of sex and the city, where aidan bought carrie the ugliest engagement ring ever, thank you miranda?

"how can i marry a guy, who doesn't know which ring is me?

is it true what charlotte said? does anybody really know when it's right? and how do you know? are there signs? fireworks? is it right when it feels comfortable? or is comfortable a sign that there aren't any fireworks? is hesitation a sign that it's not right, or is it just a sign that you're not ready?

in matters of love, how do you know when it's right?"

i've been thinking about love, the past few days. weeks, even.

i'm single now, and very happy being single. i love not having to compromise, i love spending time with friends when i want to, with myself when i want to. i love having my "me" time whenever i want it.

many of my friends are happily single... and many of them are unhappily attached.

i look around at all my friends with boyfriends or husbands, and most of them aren't even happy. i just met a friend last week who came to meet me with swollen eyes. another friend of mine argues with her boyfriend all the time because he's in a constant bad mood. i feel like he's making use of her, but she says she feels he has been wronged. then there's another friend who's about to pop with her 2nd baby, even though she felt her marriage was already on the rocks before she gave birth to her first... but she's hanging on, holding the tears back, and hoping that one day everything's gonna turn out right.

why do we do this to ourselves? are we all closet masochists? why do we hang on, tell our friends "he's really not like that. he really loves me. you just don't know him."; why do we cry in the dark, when all we really want is just to be loved?

i'm not a relationship guru, and i haven't been enough relationships to be able to give any good suggestions... i've had 4 boyfriends, although i wouldn't even count the 1st, because we were only together for a while before he had to move back home to england; and heck i was only 14. my 2nd boyfriend was 3 years older, and we were just having fun, but turns out, he was the hugest immature baby i'd ever met and i actually grew sick of the mere sight of him, and he became one of the rare memories that i shudder at.

my 3rd boyfriend was a friend, and we got together after knowing each other and being good friends for 3 years. he was a dear dear friend and i had so many laughs with him, and i did like him a lot. but months after we started "serious" dating, he started getting jealous of all my friends. he didn't want me to go out with my pals, he wouldn't even say hi to them when they waved at him, so because of that, i couldn't bring him along when i wanted to meet them. and worst, he hated my best friend alex, whom i've known and grown up with since i was 8, because he hates the fact that alex is a guy. i treasure my friendships more than anything. and him hating all my friends made me so angry, because no one talks shit about my friends like that. he hated seeing me even talking to my guy friends, and i was like, "what's your problem? we started out with you being my guy friend as well so you know i have many male friends! that doesn't mean i'm gonna start dating all of them! i can't stop going out with them just because of you!"

i hung in there as long as i could, but he was so possessive and unreasonable. i decided that i couldn't love a guy who didn't love my friends. we were together for about a year and a half, before i drew the line and told myself i had to stop. in the end i chose my friends over him and i don't regret a thing.

after all, boyfriends come and go, but your friends are gonna be the ones who are there to hold your hand and give you a hug when you want one.

i dated several guys while i was in japan. hell, how could i not? do you know how many cute guys there are in japan? there's too much eye-candy!

then i became infatuated with this one particular guy. we dated for 4 to 5 months, before i started finding out all this shit about him, and it was bad. he had so many problems. money problems, gambling, debts, people knocking on his door and asking for money... i had never faced problems like that before. i couldn't believe i had fallen in love with a gambler, and i couldn't believe he had lied to me. he also had a lot of psychological problems, and he was depressed. he was working 2 jobs to pay off his debts, but it just wasn't enough. there were days when he'd go without food, and days when he'd walk 2 hours back home from work because he couldn't afford the train fare. the situation got so bad one time, he slept in the park near work, so that he wouldn't have to walk to work, and back home again. at that time, i was slowly pulling myself away from him, because i knew that he didn't love me the way i felt for him, and that his money problems were just too much for me to handle. but when i found out that he started spending a few nights here and there in the park, i was so sad and this shadow of guilt just came over me. guilt that i have had opportunities that he has never had. and just guilt, because even though it wasn't my fault, i felt bad and i didn't know why.

the worst thing was when he found out that he had gotten his ex-girlfriend pregnant. it happened just before we got together, so it wasn't like he had cheated on me. but she was already very pregnant when she called him up one day to tell him. he became suicidal and one day came to tell me goodbye.

i had never been in a situation like that before. what do you do when someone you love comes up to you and tells you that he or she wants to die? that was the one time in my life that i had a panic attack. i was crying and i couldn't breathe, and i didn't know what to do, but i had to stop him. i called home because i had to talk to someone, and my dad picked up the phone and i went crazy. he told me that it would be dangerous for me. but i couldn't just stand there and do nothing and let him die like that. i wouldn't have been able to live with it.

it was a long, cold winter night, so long i thought it would never end, but it did.

when he told me he decided to be responsible for the baby and marry the girl, i was devastated, but not as devastated as i was when i knew he had to go back to his hometown, far, far away from tokyo. we had already broken up, and i knew i had to get away from him, but the thought that i would never see him again killed me.

i had never, ever cried over a guy before, not even when i broke up with my ex boyfriends. but i cried over him for weeks. i knew that soon i'll be smiling and i'd forget about him, and i knew it was actually a good thing that his ex had gotten pregnant and that he had to leave, because i knew that he was bad news and that it wasn't meant to be, and i knew he was no good for me and could never make me happy. but because i loved him, i had to cry.

i was all over him after a few weeks. in fact, after shedding all those tears, i felt a sense of freedom that i hadn't had in over a year since i'd known him. i was finally released. i was free. my friend told me, and i quote, "good riddance to rotten rubbish. that boy was poison."

and he was.

(and what's up with my rotten luck? why is it that i seem to like the perfect guy, only to find out months later that he wasn't what he seemed, what i thought he was? am i that bad a judge of character?)

anyway, since i've been back to singapore, i've been meeting up with old friends, and one of them, keeps bugging me and asking me the same question. "hey! why don't you give (let's call him) ben a chance?"

ben is a friend from junior college (high school). we were in the same class, and we each had our own groups of friends, but our 2 groups were pretty close and we used to hang out together all the time and had great fun. ben and i used to talk on the phone quite often. he was a really sweet guy and i did like him a lot, but in a "i love my friends" way.

5 years after graduating from j.c., i came back from tokyo for my summer holidays in august 2006. i'd met up with ben a couple of times, but the day before i was due to fly off, he drops off a letter at my house. i was running around like a headless chicken and was super busy trying to buy all sorts of things to bring back to tokyo with me, so i didn't read his letter until i'd gotten on the plane. it made me cry. he said he loved me, and has been loving me for the past 5 years. it wasn't until he had gotten into an accident and nearly died, that he realised that he had to tell me, or he would live to regret it, and die one day without having ever told me.

i cried like fuck on the plane reading that letter, the stewardess asked me if i was ok.

i wrote him a letter in reply, i think like 8 pages long. i told him that i was very touched and that although a part of me told me that i should give it a shot, i knew that i didn't like him the way he liked me. i thought that it wouldn't be fair for me to go into a relationship with him, because he'd liked me for so long, while i wasn't sure if it'll work out. i felt horrible and i hated myself for saying that to him, but i thought i had to, even though it killed me.

my sister once asked me, many years ago, after i dumped one of my exes, how i could be so... almost ruthless. it was like i had no feeling. i felt no guilt for dumping him. i'd dumped the guy and asked her if she wanted to go out. i told her that i'm not like one of those whiny girls out there, nah-ah. sometimes i think i'm a boy in a girl's outfit, and maybe i am. i'm a tomboy and i'll never grow out of being one.

i told her it wasn't that i had no heart. i do. and i can love. i had all the love in the world to give, and i have a lot of need to be loved. but i believe that when you're in love, you're supposed to be happy. life should be filled with love, and also with happiness. while we were together, we could talk things through and even out our differences and whatever problems we might have had. but when you've tried all ways and means, when you've exhausted all options, what do you have left to hold on to, when you can't even manage a smile on your face?

after all, if you aren't happy, then what's the point?

maybe i'm naive. maybe i'm still a kid.

but if growing up means that i have to cry all day and "keep trying", and lie to everyone and especially to myself that i am in love and that he does love me, then i don't want to ever grow up.

"maybe there are no right moments, right guys, right answers. maybe you just have to say what's in your heart."

well, maybe i'm a pathetic romantic at heart. but i believe that one day, that someone will come along, and he might not be mr. perfect, but he'll be just right for me. i believe in laughing together, and at one another. and in playing pranks, in holding hands, in walking in the rain. i believe that one day i will find someone whom i love, and that someone will love me back. i believe in hoping, and i believe in believing. i believe in fairy tales, because if you can't dream and hope that things will end "happily ever after", then what have you got to look forward to in life?

27 July 2007

harry potter and the devil in me

i went a little potter mad after watching harry potter and the order of the phoenix sometime last week. like i said, it's a magical world with spells and wizard hats. what's there not to like, besides lord you-know-who?

i've never tried reading all those books, because the size of it puts me off. don't get me wrong, i do read. but once i start, i can't stop reading, and i refuse to sleep till i've finished. and somehow i don't like saying 'no' to going out with friends or going shopping, just because i want to spend the day reading. so sometimes, when the size of the book scares me, i don't start at all. heh heh.

many people have been telling me to read it though. all my friends do.

problem is, i like the movies, and all my friends who've read the books, hate the movies. the scenes chosen are never good enough; the characters aren't portrayed the way they were described in the book; there is vital information lacking, yada yada yada.

so i'm thinking that i should probably wait till ALL the movies are out, before i start reading the books. that way i can like both the movies and the books, don't you think?

when the last installation of the series, harry potter and the deathly hallows, was released last week, i went a little crazy online cos i had to find out who the heck died. yeah. i went searching for spoilers. my friend, the number 1 harry potter fan, screamed at me. "what??? you're looking for spoilers?? you can't do that! you're ruining it for you!!" said she.

but imagine my happiness when my brother came home with the book. "oh you bought it??? yay!! ok you go read it now. i'm going out. tell me what happened later."

fast forward 5 hours.

i came home, and raced upstairs. "jorim!!!!!! who died???????????"

as my brother opened his mouth to speak, i could hear my sister screaming from below. "i'm coming up now!!! keep your voices down!!! don't tell me don't tell me don't tell me....." and up the stairs she came, hands over her ears.


yeah yeah yeah, say what you will, but i'm a lazy scumbag. i just wanna know who died. i mean, for a person like myself who has not read the books, i'm not willing to wait till 2010 to find out who died. i can be patient but 3 years is too long to be patient. not over a story. no way.

on another note, did you guys read about evanna lynch, the girl who played luna lovegood in the order of the phoenix? hers is a story that proves that dreams do come true. she is apparently a harry-potter-obsessed fan, who, over the years, have dressed up and queued up at midnight to buy harry potter books. she had written countless letters to j.k. rowling, wishing she could act in one of her movies. in fact, her favorite character is luna, which is what she named one of her cats!! she also has one called dumbledore and one called crookshanks (who has died). she went to the casting for the movie, told them confidently that she was the best person to play luna, and look where that got her!!! and she was only 14!!!

i totally respect her for being strong and confident, for believing in herself and acting on her dreams!!! bravo!!! way to go, girl!!! we all have something to learn from her!

also, did you see daniel, rupert and emma on teen vogue? hello? they looked amazing. it's so cool to see them grow up over the years and evolve into such delicious people.

i'm telling you, they are proper stars in their own right and absolutely look the part. you really should go see the rest of the photos and read what they had to say as well. mugglenet.com has all the pages scanned. i'm especially stoked whenever i see emma watson appearing at some gala event or premier. she always looks amazing and pulled together. how many people can pull off chanel the way she can, and at her age? not many.

well i guess, that as the new face of chanel, she does have all the stylists and make-up gurus in the world to help her look good. and excuse me? karl lagerfeld the genius as well!! bah. some people have all the luck and i'm starting to get jealous.

*slap slap* keep the inner devil in check, gilda!

but honestly, i think they've all grown into young adults with a good head on their shoulders, and i really wish them well and look forward to much more of their work.

(pssssst!!! my god. can you just imagine how much they have in the bank? grrr. where do i audition? do they need another asian girl? i can fake a british accent pretty well if they want me to. or japanese. or singlish. ok ok, the devil's going back into hiding now.)

*disclaimer: if you are a true-blue muggle-fan, please take note that while i might have a jealous streak, it's only because i have a personal wealth of a measly, like what... maybe 200 dollars. but i honestly do love harry potter. yes i do. cross my heart and hope to live forever.

update: i just learnt from tee tee that daniel is starring in equus. i went to the site and HOLY. when did he get a body like that? is he hiding it beneath all those wizardy robes, away from public eye?? well i made myself stop looking after a while, because he's like 6 years younger than me and i got a little disgusted with myself. but like i said, when did that body happen??

25 July 2007

minus one layer of skin

thank you all, who have emailed me or left comments of encouragement after i announced that i looked devilish. i read everything, had a good giggle and really lifted my spirits. because many of you said the same thing!! here is one of those precious emails, sent to me none other than my favourite pink star, gala.

"Hi sweetheart. First of all, good on you for taking a proactive stance & doing something about your skin. It is awful to have a visual reminder of an unpleasant time in your life.

Anyway, I am sure your skin will look beautiful soon! Just make sure you follow the doctor's orders. This entry kind of reminds me of SATC when Samantha gets a chemical peel... hee hee, & turns up to that book launch looking terrifying! Anyway, stay cute :> xxx"
it was funny because when i first did the laser treatment, i left the dressing on all day as told, and only took it off at night to bathe the zapped areas. first thing i said was, "bloody hell. i'm samantha..."

here was my reply to her:

"hello gala!

thanks for your email!

YES OH MY GOD I AM SAMANTHA. that was the first thing that came to mind when I came home and took off the dressing!! i need a black hat and a blacker veil than what samantha wore to the book party, you know, as the beekeeper. oh god oh god oh god. actually, 2 other people emailed me to ask if i looked like sam jones, which i thought was really funny. my brother asked me to drive him down town today so i did. i think i also gave the guy in the car next to me a shock. i don't look as scary as samantha cos well, she had a peel done to her whole face. mine's just my cheeks. but it looks awful enough and i don't have any of their fancy wardrobes to make me happy. well haha to me i guess.

anyway it is getting better, but not fast enough. hee hee.

thanks :)

with much love and bees,

there she was, my plus one, minus one layer of skin.

you look like beef carpaccio.

women shouldn't have to hide in the shadows because they've had cosmetic surgery, which society nearly demands of them.

yay for samantha. i love you sam jones.

23 July 2007

i look like the devil

disaster number one:
i was supposed to color my hair on sunday. when i called up to confirm my appointment, the machine picked up my call. apparently, something cropped up and the salon would be closed for the day.

what the....

so my hair remains faded and ugly and i am not pleased.

disaster number two:
some of you might remember me mentioning that i've been seeing a small black dot. well, i got that checked out. i paid $300 to get some tests on my eyes done, which included a pretty cool test where i had to stick my head into this dome-shaped machine, and hold onto a clicker. extremely small lights would go off inside the dome, making it look like little stars in space. quite pretty. everytime i saw a light go off, i had to click. it was to test my vision field, so i had to look straight at this knob in the centre, while the lights go off all around the globe. my test results came back so-so, which i thought wasn't a good sign although the doc said it was nothing to worry about. however, upon closer examination, he said that i have very thin eyes.

i was like, "excuse me?" i would much rather have been told that i was very thin (har har), but i figured in an instant that being told that i had thin eyes, was not a compliment of any sorts.

our eyeballs are covered in a layer of skin or something. i'm not very good at all this, but i think he was trying to explain it to me in simple words. the skin on our bodies flake off, something we all know. apparently, because the layers protecting my eyes are very thin, what i'm seeing is actually a fragment of the layer when it "flaked" off.

bloody hell, i never knew that was remotely possible.

so he asked me if i've been seeing flashes of light as well, which would mean that the layers have already torn and i would need to get corrective laser surgery done to seal the skin back.

well i haven't been seeing any flashes, so he said i could get preventive surgery done, but it wasn't necessary. the best thing would be to take care of my eyes and to come back immediately if i ever thought i was seeing any flashes, or more black dots.

fuck. it scared the hell out of me because i would literally be lost without my eyes. the thing is, i've always had very sensitive eyes. the slightest bit of dust would irritate them and they would be the itchiest shit on earth. smoky, hazy situations make them red as well, and i always have to carry medicated eyedrops with me. he said that even sports can aggravate the situation, which is extremely baffling.

i think he scared me so much, i'm even imagining flashes of light. it's worrying to think that something could happen to my eyes and that i might one day go blind.

disaster number three:
a while ago, i also blogged about my insecurities about my skin. i used to have seriously bad acne. like really bad, so bad i hardly ever went out, except to go to work. all that has cleared up now, thank god, but the acne also left scars on my face.

it's no big deal to some people, but it has bugged me for 5 years now. i look in the mirror sometimes and i hate seeing those scars. because they remind me of a time when i was 19 or 20, when i was going through the worst time of my life. not only did i have full-blown acne and lose all self-confidence, i was going through a lot of family shit and i really spiraled down through hell.

things have gotten better within my family now and life has never been better.

but scars remain, in my heart from all the hurt i once experienced, and on my face. emotional scars heal over time, but those scars on my face never fail to remind me of how much i used to hate my life, and how much i used to hate me.

a few weeks ago, my dad asked if i wanted to go get an opinion on my skin, and arranged for me to go see a family friend, who was a dermatologist and plastic surgeon. well i thought i had nothing to lose, so i went along to see him.

he said my scars aren't so deep, and although i have one or two major ones, the rest aren't so bad. so he said instead of doing dermabrasion, or microdermabrasion, which is basically sanding down the skin and sounds awfully painful, he recommended that i try out a laser treatment called erbium yag. i was like, "erbium who??" it is a newer form of laser treatment that is less invasive and has less side-effects. there is also a lesser "down" time, meaning i don't have to be a recluse for more than a week, and should be up and about after 4 to 5 days.

i was left thinking about that for a few weeks.

i have never been against any form of plastic surgery. hell no. if i had the money and the courage, i'd have a new body by now. liposuction? yes baby. but after watching a documentary on it, it scared the fuck out of me and i decided i'd have to be very drunk and very sedated to ever try it. some of my friends have had surgery before. on their faces, on their boobs, on their tummies, etc. one friend had fat from her thighs removed and inserted into her chest and she looked fantastic after that.

and then of course, there are those who are desperate to look like barbie and after 24 surgeries, they become just another sad case. i've also seen pictures of awful surgeries, and seeing those had me reconsidering whether i'll ever try major surgery. because i don't wanna become like that.

since i met up with the doctor, i had been thinking about it and reading up a lot about laser treatments. and i thought, what the hell. i'd just go for it. after all, the scars have bothered me for years. if doing it might make me feel better about myself, then why not? plus, the guy was a professor (which means he's more than the average doc) at one of the biggest hospitals in singapore, and he does have a lot of experience in the field.

so i went.


i imagined it would hurt a lot more. well it was a little painful, but i had some local anesthetic to help relieve the pain. what killed me though, was the smell. from the moment the machine went on, before the prof even zapped my face, the smell of the laser stank up the room and it smelt of burning skin. fuck.

i was scared like shit and i actually kept repeating "help me god" in my head.

the whole procedure was over in less than 5 minutes and the nurse placed an ice pack on my cheeks to help stop the swelling. then she placed these huge-ass dressing over my face and when i looked at my reflection in some glass, i looked like the moon.

the prof said that the swelling should go down in about 3 days, and although my skin is red and raw now, it should heal pretty fast and i was looking at about 5 days of down-time. i could go see him whenever i wanted to if i had any worries, or call him if anything was bugging me.

i took off the dressing last night to bathe the zapped areas. oh god i look like shit. i pray it heals real soon. this better not botch up. i read online that i should keep the area moist, but the doctor told me i don't need to put any dressing, so now i'm leaving it as it is.

i'm actually bloody scared about it. i mean there is a chance that it won't go well. i've looked at myself in the mirror about 371820 times since i removed the dressing. oh god oh god it will heal beautifully, won't it!!??

my brother came home and his first comment was, "what happened to your face?"

then my sis came back and she went, "oh my god.... gil...."

so now, i look like the devil himself. if i were a star, i'd have ended up on awfulplasticsurgery.com. (is laser considered a form of plastic surgery anyway? it is, right?)

has anyone tried erbium yag laser before? or does anyone know of someone who has?

i guess i'll be cooped up at home for as long as these red cheeks take to heal. and freaking out the whole time. bleah. i'm worried sick and scared to bits. fuck fucking fuck.

ps: i would post photos but i don't want to spoil your day.

more reading for the nosey parkers:
cutaneous laser resurfacing: erbium:yag
erbium:yag laser

21 July 2007

obsessing sometimes isn't a bad thing

i went out with my friends from junior college (high school) last night - ewan, adrian and bob. we went to see nuts (aka natalie) at her home. it was her gorgeous daughter, angel's birthday. she was so cute. sometimes i see kids like that and i wish i had a child too. no. really.

then they brought me out to dempsey road. i just want to say OH MY GOD i didn't know that it had a major transformation!!! like hello?? 4 years away from singapore and now i'm a bloody tourist. dempsey road has turned into a major spot filled with gorgeous cafes, restaurants and whatever else, and in the middle of all this lush greenery as well! (but totally scary at night. where are the street lamps?!) i can't believe that after coming back to singapore for 2 months that no one took me there. hmph! and like it's totally near my house! it doesn't even take more than 5 minutes by car! i've gone by it sooo many times and never went in. damn.

we went to ps cafe. i loved it. it was gorgeous! the place is apparently famous for their desserts and when i saw those cakes, my eyes lit up. (i cannot emphasize enough how much i love chocolate.)

but!! this ang moh (singaporean slang which literally means "red hair", but actually refers to all caucasians. the slang started decades ago and today, is widely used and is by no means, a racist remark.) came over, pointed to the fudge brownie i wanted and asked his wife if she wanted that! there were only like 2 brownies left and i started getting anxious that by the time i could order, there would be none left!!! i kept going, "don't take my brownie don't take my brownie..."

well it worked and he didn't. woohoo. we ordered the soup of the day. bad idea. i think it was supposed to be cream of potato and leek or something?

well it was potato-boiled-in-water-and-add-some-cream-plus-some-leek soup. i couldn't taste anything. maybe my taste buds have been used to less bland stuff. we also ordered a roast beef salad. i thought it was quite yummy but i couldn't believe we paid $19 for a salad that came with 4 puny pieces of roast beef and a handful of veges. daylight robbery.

so now i know why the place is famous for its desserts. thank god for that. the cakes were sooo yummy and miss chocolate lover, me (duh), was extremely satisfied. in fact it was a little too rich. we shared the fudge and the white chocolate brownie. which i didn't touch cos i'm a dark chocolate kind of girl, no white chocolate thank you very much. the fudge had a slab of brownie at the bottom, and it was topped with tons of marshmallows that were sort of stuck together with chocolate that had been drizzled all over. it was fantastic and we couldn't finish. i had to drink like 5 glasses of water.

it was great to meet and catch up. it's been 6 years since we graduated and it was like time took a stand-still and although we've changed in some ways, we're all very much the same. they all seem to be doing exceedingly brilliant. bobby started who's going with his friends, and now he's also doing some great new venture that sounds excellent and i wish him well. ewan seems to be doing great at work also, but i tell her she's too busy and is harder to date than the president. and adrian, who's still in school, is going to prague next month on exchange, the lucky bastard!!!

update on parsons: i'm like totally freaking out now cos i don't know if i'll be able to get my visa on time. i've got less than a month left before i'm supposed to be going over to new york, and there are all these things left to do and it's driving me nuts. the next couple of weeks are going to be hell. i can feel it coming.

also, i've been pouring over scores of real estate websites online. i know i know, i shouldn't be looking at those gorgeous pictures because what you see isn't what you're gonna get. (oh yeah, i've had that bad experience the first time i moved to japan and no way i'm going through that shit again.) but oh they look so good and i just love looking at houses and apartments. i'll be staying at my dad's friend's daughter's house in queens till i find a place of my own. in other words, i'll be squatting at her place for a while. does anyone know a great loft/studio/one-bedroom apartment in manhattan, that i could probably rent/buy/loot/squat/live in for free? i'm desperate.

i've been obsessing over a lot of things recently. basically just going all nostalgic over memories from my childhood. i went with my sis to the kid's department in isetan a couple of days ago, when we were looking for a present for another friend's daughter. i took one long look at all the barbies in one section, and my little pony in another. i used to love them as a child. i spent my days playing with them!! i remember watching tons of videos over and again, of my little pony and carebears.

oh god; that reminds me. my first two dogs, two huge dobermans, were named after the ponies!! one was called rose dust, the poor dear. imagine getting called that, when you're a huge and snarly dog. luckily for her, at least, she was a girl. heh heh. i also remember losing my beloved care bear, a sunshine bear, in a hong kong airport when i was about 3. i cried buckets and would not be consoled.

anyway, we also went to the sanrio store where i found another one of my childhood loves: little twin stars. i remember using a cup of theirs till i was like 12 or something. they are so cute. i found this note book and multi-colored pen that i had to have. i'm not like, you know, going crazy over them, but everytime i find something cute that i can use or something, i buy it. in fact, i'm almost tempted to download the little twin star wallpaper.

i wonder if that'll be overdoing it.

also, i'm stoked, because i just unearthed a few enid blyton books. i must have read every one of her books when i was a little girl. i remember my mum buying me my first enid blyton. i was 4 and we were on the way home after one of my piano lessons. i got hooked after that and bought everything. i loved her books! i loved them all, especially the series!! mr galliano's circus, the famous five, malory towers, the magic faraway tree, the naughtiest girl, the wishing chair, amelia jane, shadow the sheepdog, the three golliwogs..... oh god i loved them. i read many of them over and over and over again. even when i had grown up, whenever i found the books, i would sit down and read them through once more.

(and yes, you guessed it right. my dog, shadow, was named after shadow the sheepdog. shadow first came to my home with a sister from her litter. they were tiny and could fit in a box. one was a dusty light brown, yellow and white. so i called her misty. that must have been a character's name from somewhere as well, but i can't remember now... the other puppy was brown and white, but she followed us everywhere. "perfect!!" i thought. i was 11, had read 'shadow the sheepdog' about 25 times, and badly wanted a shadow of my own. my darling misty, who was as rebellious, stubborn and defiant as me, died when she was just 7. shadow is 13 now, and still follows us everywhere.)

i think enid blyton's brilliant and i really grew up with her. i learnt about many things through her books. i'm really sad that many of my books had been given away to younger cousins. but when i have kids one day, i'm gonna make sure they grow up with enid blyton too. i'll buy them the whole collection. i'm tempted to go out and buy ME the whole collection.

wow. it was so great just reliving some memories by writing this. what are some of the things from your childhood, or from your past, that you used to love and still do now? i would love to hear all about it!

with much love, sheepdogs and rose dust,

today's get-up 21july2007

  • light grey dress by me
  • black necklaces
  • black leggings
  • black pointy shoes

i love black.

am i finally succumbing to the heat and dressing down!?!??!

wake up gilda! *shakes me hard*
don't walk down the path of evil!

i'm gonna go get my hair colored tomorrow. i mean, today. (it's already past 8, stewpid! go sleep!)


19 July 2007

weekend lover

it's friday, 10.45 in the morning, and i haven't slept all night!! i've been trying to settle my student visa to the US and there are only about 304829374 forms left to fill in. lucky me!

+ i'm bowled over by this gorgeous ring and rabbit brooch at tokyomade.com! they are super kawaii and i'm thinking of getting them for a friend.

+ i've been going ga-ga over these macaroon candles and cupcake bowls. they are like the cutest thing ever!

+ boring plain tshirts and singlets should be banished!! look at these!

+ watching the holiday brought back some really nostalgic memories. jude law's reel daughters had a gorgeous tent in their bedroom. when i was growing up, i had a tent in mine too. it was made up of blankets and all sorts of things, but it was cosy and my siblings and i spent many afternoons and nights in there. i loved the bedroom tent that i saw in the movie. very professionally done of course. and because i also love cath kidston (drool), i've been dreaming of buying a million things and making a tent in my bedroom when i get to new york!

+ i saw these plates and fell in love. they are just gorgeous!! i love those prints! all of them!

+ some time has passed since her death, but i'm still stunned that isabella blow has passed away. she was a great inspiration to me and i looked up to her and aspired to be like her one day. i bought my first red lipstick because of her. she wears the most amazing outfits, discovered 2 of my favorite designers, and sounds like an amazing woman whom no one has bad things to say about. you can read about her here.

+ i love these 2 taiwanese dudes. they are hilarious!

+ diet coke plus mentos = fucking amazing!!

+ one of my favorite tv shows: gaki no tsukai. a crazy japanese show about games, pranks, and punishment. i love it. in this episode, they have to do a punishment meted out by one of them, after losing to him in a game. it's a 24hour long punishment!

+ it's couture season and i'm in love with clothes all over again. here are some of my favorites! ooh i just love anything interesting and OTT (over the top)!!

armani prive

christian dior

christian lacroix

jean paul gaultier



(photos courtesy of style.com)

i'm in a "i-love-cute-things" mode so send me anything you think is cute!! oh! and what are you doing this weekend?

with much love and blueberry pies,

18 July 2007


i got tagged by mushroommeadows (thank you dear).

Tag Rules
1. we have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. people who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. at the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

8 random facts, which later became 8 long stories, about me

1. i have a pretty high nose bridge for an asian. many people have asked me if i've had a nose job, to which i reply, "if i did, i'd have made it much slimmer". but it's quite exciting to get asked questions like this cos a nose job is like what, a thousand bucks? (how much is it?) so i feel like i have a thousand dollar nose. however, in my field of sight, even when i'm looking straight ahead, i can see the tip of my nose. which is pretty irritating at times.

2. when i was born, i had no clear passage in my nostrils, which meant that i could not breathe through my nose. basically, it looked like i had perfectly healthy nostrils, but there weren't holes in them for air to go through. when i was about 3 days old, i had to have an operation where the doctors pushed through my nostrils to make breathing passages. hey. maybe that's where my nose bridge came from. but till today, it's difficult for me to breathe through my nose cos i feel like i don't get enough oxygen in (the passageway is apparently quite small!!) so i breathe through my mouth most of the time.

3. hence, i am also obsessive with applying lip balm or gloss, whatever that keeps my lips moist cos they dry out very easily. because of that, i also get a blocked nose almost every morning and use tissues like mad. i have all sorts of breathing problems and hence, if i get a slightly runny or blocked nose before i sleep, i'd snore that night. yeah. not at all glamorous for a fashion puss wannabe like me. shhhh!!

4. this might sound gross, but i crack my knuckles like an obsessive compulsive behavior. and i don't mean just the joints in my fingers. i can crack the joints in my fingers in all sorts of ways, my left wrist (it first happened by accident), my neck, joints in my backbone, my pelvis - the joints connecting to my thigh bones (yeah, i can hear you say "oh my god"), my knees, the bones at the arches of my feet (i hear you again), and finally my toes in all sorts of ways.

5. i am extremely proud of the fact that i can rattle off japanese like a native. i attended some classes just before i actually moved to japan, but lack of practise and definitely lack of revision meant that i wasn't really fluent. but i had smap. and through just watching their shows and listening to them on tv or cd, i was already pretty good in my class. when i went to japan i made tons of friends and within 6 months, i could speak casual japanese with ease. after a year of staying in tokyo, i could speak polite japanese as well. (yes, it is almost like 2 different languages.) some asians can pass off for a japanese, but the moment they open their mouths to speak, you know they aren't. i get mistaken for a japanese based on looks, but even when i talk to a real japanese, they don't know i'm not one, until i say so. then the usual exchange would be
"are you serious?"
"you must be joking."
"no, i'm really not japanese."
i might make it sound easy but when i moved over to tokyo, it was difficult and i did do a lot of homework to get to where i am today. homework meaning studying the texts, AND studying everything smap said. i'm telling you, they taught me a language, and they are my god.

6. my greatest loves are (not in order) my dogs, my family, my hockey club, smap, takuya, my friends, harajuku, and chocolate.

7. i am one of the most guy-ish girls i know. i hate whiny girls. i hate girls who give up their personal lives and time with their friends, just for their boyfriend. i hate girls who are dumb, or girls who act dumb. i hate clingy boyfriends. even if i had a boyfriend, i wouldn't want to meet him all the time. in fact i broke up with two boyfriends before who just had to spend every minute together and i was like, get a life. i can't meet up everyday. and i hate, absolutely HATE, talking on the phone. it was different when i was in tokyo, and i would call up and speak to friends and family here in singapore. i can speak to my parents for hours, and my sister for even more hours. but heck, that's cos i hardly see them. but i hate small talk over the phone. i hate having to hang onto the phone with nothing in particular to talk about. in fact, if it's not important, don't even call me! (unless i'm overseas and you miss me and you know i miss you too. heh heh.)

8. i dream in my sleep a lot. and i mean a lot like almost everyday. i can remember each dream specifically and in great detail. i dream so much that many times when something actually happens in real life, i feel like it's déjà vu. i can wake up from a dream and think, "hey that went pretty nicely!", and think "oh i wish this could happen!". then i can go back to sleep and continue the same dream, and whatever i wish could happen, would. i can continue dreams on following days too. my dreams are usually happy dreams, meaning that in dreamworld i'm usually seeing my favourite dreamboat, takuya. which, believe me, is not a bad thing at all. even better because my dreams can continue on different nights, and seriously, i have a soap opera living in my head and i hope final season never comes.
i dreamt once before, that i killed my uncle. if you've read my previous entries about how i've had some family problems, this fucked-up uncle of mine (who i want to get a lawyer to do papers stating i will not be known as his niece) is the cause of all these problems. he's the fucking devil. i don't hate anyone in this world but him. in my dream, he came to my house to mass murder my entire family, but my dogs found him before he could come into the house and so to protect my family, i killed him. totally stabbed the shit out of him. if it were a movie it'd have to be rated r(a) for violence, blood and gore. i woke up feeling kinda grossed out but wishing he'd hurry and die.
my worst ever nightmare was when i was 4. i dreamt of killer crabs (the crustacean, not the you-know-what) with ginormous pincers, and lids of biscuit tins that would come loose (from the tins), fly around and behead people. i ran to my parents' room crying. definitely psycho.
people tell me i should keep a dream diary. some people say i'm dreaming because my mind is awake and i'm not sleeping well, while others say you can only dream when you're in the deepest stages of sleep. what do you think? and what do you dream about?

oops. too, too long, those "facts".

9. i'm long-winded and have too much to say.

i'm supposed to tag 8 other people but hey, no pressure if you're feeling lazy. i don't even think i have 8 friends, real or reel, with blogs. most of my friends don't blog. most of the people i've gotten to know online, don't have a blog. those who do, when i checked, had already done this meme! so, heck! i don't have 8!

so if you do read this and you love memes and getting tagged, please leave a comment. you can tell me you love me, or you can just tell me you're doing the meme! :) and i'll link you from here. thanks!!

update! i'm tagging miss lesley denford!

much love and super-kisses,

17 July 2007

today's get-up 17june2007

i went to watch harry potter. i've watch all the movies so far and i love them. i really would read the book, but no one's lending them to me and i spend too much on clothes and smap to be able to afford books. (ok i can, but i'm just plain lazy. do you know how thick those books are?!! if you whacked someone on the head with those, they'd konk out!)

i hate being a muggle. i wish i was part witch so that at a flick of my wand, something fantastic could happen. like fulfilling a louboutin fantasy. and wouldn't it be super fun if by just a flick and an "expecto patronum", to have a guardian unicorn come protect you? i sure would love that. i would also love a super flying broomstick. much better than any lamborghini! although i really wouldn't mind either one of them.

  • black cheapo cotton tshirt (cheap and functional and comfy! that's all you need!)
  • many black necklaces
  • olive green deconstructed wrap skirt with the coolest buttons by undercover
  • patent pointy flats

to the people who have called me, smsed me, told me in my face, and emailed me, about my very obviously fading hair color:
YES I KNOW. i know it's fading. ugh.
i've been talking about getting it fixed for a long time but although i am quite vain, i also have a million things to do at the moment. i also am quite broke.

this weekend i will, shall, must.

actually, i watched the 3 hour harry potter movie with my homie, homer, and miss beehive herself. but their couch wasn't the most comfortable of chairs and i left with an aching ass.

seriously. my whole body aches and i'm not quite sure why. i think i might be sleeping too much. either that or i'm just aging.