01 July 2007

work those hips, baby!

on july 1st, a new smoking law was put into action here in singapore. smoking is no longer allowed in air-conditioned areas (unless a cordoned-off area is specially made for it), and in outdoor areas, only 20% of the outdoor seating capacity will be set aside for smoking seats. not that it mattered to me since i've never taken a puff in my life, but it was funny going around and seeing all these signs.

i went with some hockey friends to bar none at the marriot hotel on the 1st.

we were there to watch kumar - arguably singapore's best comedy act, and most flamboyant drag queen. i haven't watched stand-up comedy in a while and it was really funny. unfortunately, those idiots sabotaged me!!! when kumar asked if there were any celebrations for the night, they screamed that it was my birthday!!! and they call themselves "friends"! well, so-called friends! bah!

there were two sets, and on the second set, i was made to go up stage!! oh god i nearly died. i kept hitting my coach, nordin, cos he was the evil mastermind who went around telling everyone "it's gilda's birthday today, must sabo her."


so up the stage i went. this other friend of mine, ishak, got sabotaged too. he's an old hockey acquaintance whom i've never been that close with, but have known for years. and there was this other guy, a stranger called abraham. apparently it was none of our birthdays but we were all sabotagees. yeah. we became the comedy.

oh god i was so embarrassed i can only remember some bits of it...

well we = one chinese, one malay, one indian. we got our names, our race, our face, our whatever, made fun off. which, well, was pretty darn funny.

and then horrors of all horrors, we had to dance in front of everyone. so the dj played some music and well, i like dancing i do, but when you have like a hundred pairs of eyes on you, it's kinda different. but i sooo wanted to get out of there i was like ok ok just dance and let's go girl!

kumar made me dance with ishak. oh man. i think i went totally red but it wasn't so bad cos at least i knew the guy. then he/she/kumar pulled me around and said, "okay now you dance with abraham."


then kumar made some remark to the dj about the lousy song he chose for ishak+me, and said something about me dancing with an indian next and that it better be a good song.

next thing i knew, a typical tamil song was blasting through the speakers.

AHAHAHHAHA it was so funny. kumar went something like, "she's chinese she can't dance this! i will!" and hiked up her dress to thigh level, and started err, boogie-ing to tamil music!!


the crowd then sang all 3 of us a july 1st birthday song.

and then she dropped the real bomb on us.....

the guys had to face the crowd and using err... hip movement, "write" my name out.

and i had to turn away from the crowd, and basically stick my ass out there and "write" ABRAHAM.

well there are millions of girls out there who can probably shake their ass real sexy, but i'm not that kind of girl. not in front of all these strangers!

me: "HAR??? ABRAHAM??? IT'S SO LONG!!! (the name. to write. with my butt.)"

kumar: "how'd you know? you've seen (it) before?"

me: laughing my head off, looking back at kumar, smiling and raising eyebrows suggestively at a speed of 110 kilometers/hour.

well at least they gave us a free shot of tequila or something to compensate our embarrassment (i was soo dying, i don't even know what i drank), which we drank in a gulp and received some claps from everyone.

i don't think i was a very good stand-up sabotagee.

while i was on-stage, i had imagined all sorts of smart-alec comments to say and probably win some fans and start my own act. but then i was too busy laughing at what kumar was commenting about, err, myself, to even remember to say anything!!!


+note to self+
spread the love and laughter. make more people laugh.

so that was my 15 minutes of fame.

love and kisses from me (and my big ass) to you,