21 April 2007

i'm having a heart attack

i'm not kidding. it might not be a real attack,
but it sure feels like one.
my heart is pounding so hard
i think i might even get an asthma attack...

i've been stressed out lately,
waiting for the results of my university interview,
like i mentioned in '24'.
the school was the
parsons new school of design,
and i was hoping to transfer in
with my credits from bunka.

rewind to 2006.

my dad decided that he wanted me to graduate from university
and not some fashion college. i had no interest in university,
but since he insisted, i decided i'd go to fashion university
and get a BA in fashion. ever since then i'd been working
to build my portfolio and with school exams and all,
it was really hard.

it was a decision between st martins in london
and parsons in new york, but my dad said, parsons...

cos the euro is really expensive.

so these 5 months now, my entire future
had depended on getting into parsons.

but i guess, that won't be happening anymore.

i just recieved an email a few moments ago
from the parsons administration.
i had emailed them a few days ago
to ask about the status of my application.

'At the moment, you application has not been decided on. However, we do make decisions in the order that the date the application was complete. We keep reviewing until we hit the maximum number of qualified applicants that we can take. This week, it is likely that we can have accepted as many students as we can this year. While this is not a definite decision, it is likely that your application will not be accepted due to the date it was finally completed.'

it hit me like an bomb.

never mind the spelling or grammar mistakes.

what do they MEAN, 'the date it was finally completed'??
i submitted it before closing date,
and i thought that was all that mattered.
i had NO idea at all that it was on
some first-come-first-served basis...
did i miss reading that important detail
somewhere on their website?!!??

i don't know what i am going to do now...

i am really disappointed and although
i probably should call home now
and tell my parents, i can't...
i can't do that knowing how much it would disappoint them.

so now i really am screwed.

i got accepted into university here in japan
but blew that chance cos i wanted to enter parsons instead.
i also had to tell my landlord that i won't be
renewing my contract, since i had to leave the country.
i mean, my student visa here has already
changed to a 90-day tourist visa.
i hadn't gone looking for a job here in tokyo,
cos OBVIOUSLY i thought i'd be studying in new york.

i had a plan b... st martins... but now that parsons had told me
'it is likely your applications will not be accepted'
which in real-world-language actually means, 'you're really fucked',
i have basically zero confindence left, a
nd st martins would probably send me a big N-O-NO too.

i think i really might faint.

my friend is throwing a party tomorrow
and i promised to go,
but now i really just want to bury myself in a hole.

what i am going to do...??