18 April 2007


i turn 24 today (19 april). at 17:46pm to be exact.
i can't believe i'm bloody 24.
maybe because i'm not sure i'm happy with where i am at 24.
in fact, do people actually begin blogs on their birthdays?!
i actually have a blog in japanese, you know,
for all my cool japanese friends.
but some time last week i decided i needed another one in english.
if that makes sense.

at 24 now, i actually am at a real turning point in my life.

after junior college (equivalent of high school? maybe)
i refused to go through the regular university route
and worked for 2 years. well,
with a lot of shitty family problems in between.
then i left home for tokyo, where i have been
for the past 3 and a half years.

i just graduated from the bunka fashion college
in tokyo on march 14. or was it 15.
then i flew to new york for a school interview and holiday.
basically my parents want me to finish university,
and since it's gotta do with fashion, i agreed.

the problem now is that i have to leave japan in 3 months (cos obviously my student visa has expired and i'm on tourist visa). so now i am packing up my room that i have spent 3 years in, and
HOLY SHIT i have so many things!!!
and really i hate to pack. packing and leaving and starting afresh is something i did when i left home and came to japan all alone.

it was really hard.

i couldn't speak the language, there were cultural barriers,
it was my first time living alone
and i was lonely.

after 3 years, i finally am able to converse without problems,
and have made sooo many friends!! i still get very lonely,
but finally i had been able to call this place home.

so packing up and having to leave my new home is really sad.
i'm seriously dreading it. i already cried like shit when we graduated,
i think it's gonna be worse when i really have to leave everyone.

add that to stress and you'd understand
why i'm like tearing my hair out.
basically i'm waiting for the results of my interview from new york.
they said it'll take a month but the wait is really killing me.

i mean,

what if i don't get in?? *horrors*

i'm already packing up my life here. and i don't exactly have a plan b.

if i don't get in i'm fucking screwed... shit...

i think i'm a bit cranky cos i haven't slept all night.
my friends are either all still in school or have just started work
so even if they do join me for dinner tonight,
it'll be just for a short while.

but i'm happy with just a short while.
i just really want to spend every last moment i can with them.

also i really really want to eat a huge chocolate cake.

heh heh heh.

oh well. it's about 13:30pm. i think i should stop packing, go sleep, wake up at 6, then go meet my friends.

here i was at 23 on my last birthday...

and here i am at 24.

school-less and jobless.
and broke.
but having the time of my life.