don't mess with me

so i was supposed to register for next semester's classes on friday at 8 am. i've been having such a busy week, i've hardly slept at all. well, to be brutally honest, most of it was just due to my utter lack of time management. i was supposed to do things over the weekend that i didn't, and everything just got pushed back, such that i was really just doing homework the nights before they were due. and of course, according to our favorite murphy and his (or is it her) law, everything that could mess up messed up, and i spent hours working on something that should have taken me less than half that time. in other words, i hardly slept all week and was a walking zombie. and i sure looked and felt shitty too. in the words of my darling friend anthony, i was a "train wreck".

on thursday night i spent a couple of hours pouring over the online registration page, deciding on my classes, and writing everything down. "all set!" i thought, and looked at the time. it was like, 3 am, and i was about to faint from physical exhaustion. i contemplated going to sleep because my bed and blankets were looking rather delicious, but i knew that if i had gone to bed, i would NOT wake up at 8 o'clock to register and get into the classes i wanted.

so i did what every crazy idiot would do (don't try this, kids): i stayed up all night. la-di-da-di-da. doing nothing. so what, right? well like i said, i hadn't slept in days. well yeah i wanted to get some work done, but seriously, my brain was not having it. it was shutting down, just like my eyes were, so i just sat around and watched x japan's yoshiki videos on youtube. (yoshiki is so damn cute i can't take it. sorry takuya, but i'm having a huge affair with yoshiki now. ooh! but don't worry you're still my one and only true love.) i had never heard him speak english before, and it was only after this youtube-ing episode that i watched videos of interviews that he had given in english. (here's one that i thought was hilarious. and here's another one when an employee pissed him off.) he's much better than i thought!! well he should obviously be fluent enough after living in los angeles for 10 years eh? he still speaks very much in japanese-english though. it's hard to explain but they have their own accent. and excuse me, why didn't anyone tell me he had a myspace page??? and he actually writes a blog too, for his own myspace as well as violet uk's. oh my god the way he writes is so cute. the best thing? he personally views each comment before they are published. (which also explains why the comments on recent entries are "0", because it's taking him months to go through hundreds of comments for each post.)

i gushed to my friend about yoshiki the other day, and she's no fan of all these japan bands that i love. (and to all you haters, i'm really not a teenybopper but when it comes to smap and x japan, i'll become a groupie if i could. pffffffffffft!!! *major wahahas*) she took one look at this video of yoshiki that i showed her, and she was like, "wait. isn't he really similar to that other guy you like?"

and i'm like, "his name is takuya and whaddya meeeean? what are you talking about? are they?"

"honey, they speak the same way they act the same way they smile and laugh the same way and they look like twins when they have sunglasses on. maybe you just like their noses and cheekbones. and maybe you just like it that they are so passionate about something."


wow. i felt like i had been to some quickie drive-thru guru or holy psychic mind-reader, who pointed out in simple words exactly what i like in guys!! i wanted to pay her 10 dollars. but of course, friends shouldn't pay friends. services like that within friends are for free!!! hahaha.


erm, strayed too far from my topic.

well i youtube-d yoshiki all night, and spent a few hours smiling like an idiot at my computer screen. at about 7:45 my roommate's alarm started going off (she's from parsons and had to register too), so i took a final look at all the classes i wanted to get.

at 7:59 i tried logging into the registration page. "you are not permitted to register at this time." said the system. "ok fine, so i was a minute early," i thought. i tried again at 8:00. at 8:01, at 8:02, and about 47 times at 8:03.

WHAT THE HELL WHAT'S UP WITH THIS PAGE!!!!

i walk over to my roommate's room and ask her if she's managed to log in. "yeah i'm in but like all the classes i want are already filled up."

"WHAT!!! i can't even log in!! ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

i went and dug through my mountain of random papers, and found the number to call up the registrar's office. when i called them, and complained that i can't log into the system and theybettergetmeinthereasapbecause *gasp* idon'twannagetintosomelousyclasswithlousyteachers, guess what the woman told me?

"the system says you're not permitted to register at this time."

HELLO WOMAN, I TOLD YOU THAT!

she wanted me to call up my fashion advisors and have them call her again to fix the problem, because they had to be the ones to give her the go-ahead and let me register. "why can't you call them directly and speak with them on the phone?!!??!"

i was nearly yelling.

"i can't do that ma'am."

"HUH?!?!?!? why not?!?!?! that's just pointless and makes absolutely NO sense. i'm losing out on precious minutes here."

"so you should put the phone down and call them as soon as possible ma'am."

i realized obviously that i was talking to a friggin' bafoon (is there such a word?? it's a mix between a baboon and a fool. i like this word. i just came up with it while typing. because she really was a fucking bafoon.) so i went "WHATEVER!!" and hung up on her, and tried calling my advisors in the fashion campus.

the head advisor didn't pick up the phone. but i got over that quickly since she never helps anyone anyway. i didn't know the extension for my other advisor but managed to get to her through the voice activated machines. i told her my problem and she said that she will have to call the registrar's office, let them fix me up, then they'll call her back, and she'll email me the moment she gets the phone call.

"b, b, b, bu, but how long's that going to take!?!?" i was boiling so much i started to stutter.

"i don't have control over the system so that's the route we'll have to go."

"ok but please hurry because my roommate's telling me that the classes are filling up really fast."

"don't worry because there are enough classes for everyone."

"that's not the point. the whole reason everyone's rushing in to register at 8 am is because there ARE preferred classes, and i'm not getting anything i want even though i tried to register on time, and it's not even my fault! someone on the school's side messed my system up and i don't see why i need to pay for it."

"....well let me just call them and we'll try to hurry this process."

i know she is actually a really nice advisor. but seriously, this is NOT the first time that the parsons administration people have fucked up big time. i mean, they fucked up before i even entered the school. i am learning a lot in that school and (most) of my teachers are really imparting a lot of knowledge and skills to me which i totally appreciate. (although the key word is, "most".) but for god's sakes, someone needs to take all these admin people by the toes and hang them upside down so that blood will hopefully rush to their brains and start up those rusty machines in there.

it's terrible and i know i'm not the only one bitching about them, although i bitch quite a lot at any chance i have. UGH!!!!!

i couldn't take it because my head was pounding, so i went to lie down and set alarms on my iphone like, seriously, every 15 minutes. just so i keep myself at a half-awake mode and not fall into deep sleep ala sleeping beauty, and wake up a century or two later.

i received an email from my advisor at 9:39 am.

i'm not the greatest person on technological stuff, but i'm not that daft either. how long does it take to locate my name in their system, especially when no one else has my name and they already know my student id? how long does it take to check a few boxes like "allow student to register for fall 2008?" and click a few mouses? does it reeeeeeally take more than an hour?

i could have baked an entire pie in that time, ok. not that i bake pies, but i could have!

and of course, all the classes i wanted were filled and the sections were closed, and i had to settle for classes that were not my initial preferred classes.

i hate them hate them hate them.

when you're operating a university as big as the new school is, and a school as old and as famous as parsons is, you really have to get your act together. don't bitch to us about our attendance and about how we should do this and that, when as a university, you mess things up yourself. the only reason why this school is fabulous is because of its teachers. as for all the administration, it's a pity that those who really try hard aren't getting praised, because there are bigger idiots who mess things up so big all the time it's hard to even realize their good moments. i don't know why my parents are paying US 40 grand a year for fees when we have idiots like that running the school. where the hell is my money going to??? why can't we even get decent irons that work properly? how much is a freakin professional iron? i don't want some lousy 300 dollar piece of crap that at-home seamstresses can buy. did you guys watch one of the later episodes of project runway in season 4, i think it was when roberto cavalli was guest judge, when jillian was panicking about not finishing her dress on time, and she got fed up with the irons in parsons? i remembered watching her curse at those stupid things and i remember saying, "YES!!! EXACTLY!!! thank you!"

plus, they send out emails telling us to vote for some student senate, and some other email about a competition on "what would you do if you had $2000 to spend?" or some amount like that. well how about updating the machines in school?

it's disgusting and i'm dumbfounded. flabbergasted. i don't even wanna compare it to bunka because bunka's facilities were top-notch and amazing. parsons should be ashamed of themselves. and they should really take a trip to tokyo and have a look at how great the amenities are there. HMPH! with a capital H!


another hellava bitchy post
from your favorite first-class bitch,

gilda xox

ready to kill my flatmate

i got back in new york yesterday morning, and was so tired, i slept all day. like seriously, ALL DAY. like from 2pm to about 9 am this morning. i woke up once in between just to go to the toilet, but i went straight back to bed each time. not being able to sleep on the plane really sucked, and is a great shock to me (and perhaps also to all those who personally know me, because yes, i am a pig and i can usually sleep everywhere and anywhere at anytime. no joke.)

anyway. school starts on friday and i am not looking forward to it. i had a fabulous time meeting up with all my friends in japan, and really, although i am learning a lot in parsons now, i regret moving away from tokyo. regret it so much i can't even explain it.

so i've been looking for a new place to move to for a while now. although this apartment i'm living is really old, it's close to school and i love it for the convenience. the doormen are also really nice, and the room is really quite large. however, i hate my flatmate and her fucking yappy dog. hate them. ok maybe "hate" is too strong a word. but i seriously dislike them, and i don't think i've ever disliked a dog before.

i first wanted to move after a very very traumatic trip to ikea with my flatmate. i wanted to go to buy stuff for my room (i had not much furniture), and i needed her to drive me, because i wasn't confident driving on the left side. (in singapore the driver's seat is on the right.) it was a nightmare, and she was the biggest psycho bitch i had ever met in my life.

first of all, she wasn't the best driver. i mean, she can't drive and look at signs at the same time. like, what kind of fucked up driver is that right? how did she manage to pass her driving test? is it so easy to get a licence in canada and america?!?!

i was in charge of reading the map. but look, i'd only been in the states like what, about 3 months at that time, and i definitely haven't been on the road, nor read any american maps. i read out to her what the directions say, and tell her turn left or right at whichever crossing and whichever freeway and all that. and she's like, "no read me exactly what it says."

i'm like, "it says exactly what i just said!!!"

and she goes like, "well you have to look out for it and tell me where to turn because i have to concentrate on the road!"

and i'm like, "well i'm looking out for it but what kind of driver are you if you can't drive AND look out for signs?"

and she goes, "you're really bad at reading maps."

and i go, "well i'm telling you whatever's written on this thing, and i have no idea how american roads are like so i don't even know what i'm looking for. i don't know what a turnpike means, i don't know what a i-94 means, we don't even call it a 'freeway in singapore. i tell you to turn left and you say 'what?' and we miss the turn because you claim i'm not reading the directions right."

i mean, after a while i just let her go off on her rockets. if not because i needed her to drive, i would never, repeat never, have wanted to go along with her. she goes crazy swearing at other drivers, honks at people like a million times (i'm not joking), and while honking, she screams "fucker you mother fucking mothing fucking fucker!!!" nonstop. i'm serious.

the most terrible thing was that the car we rented had a technical problem with it, and we had to call in to the car company we rented it from. she doesn't have a mobile phone, so i used mine to call in. and one of the steps to prove one's identity was to key in one's birthdate, and although she was driving, she refuuuuuuused to tell me her birthday and i had to pass her my handphone for her to key it in herself. i can't even explain to you guys how much i rolled and rolled my eyes. and rolled it again.

what was worse was that i had to go to ikea a second time. i thought, maybe she was having a bad day and it was mean of me to write her off just because she went insane on me one time. but the second time was just as bad and each time she went crazy at various things, i'd just roll my eyes and swallow hard to keep myself from arguing back. after all, what's the point? i almost laughed a few times because she was just so ridiculous. i did all i could to stop myself from recording a short movie on her going crazy and putting it on youtube. especially each time when i read her some certain direction from the map i printed, and she would say it didn't make sense and in the end we'd miss it. then she'd go on her "fuckfuckingfuckmotherfuckingmotherfucker" screams again, and then shout at me that it's my fault and she doesn't know how to go back to where we want to go. i'm like, dude. i don't know american roads, but if you can get here, you can go back to where you were. if we took a wrong north turn, we just have to find the south way back.

like, duh?

and she'll be like, "well i'm concentrating really hard on driving and it's your fault so you go figure out how to get back to that road."

seriously at times it was so ridiculous i wanted to laugh and tell her, "i think you're one of the dumber americans i've seen."

after the second trip to ikea together i decided that i couldn't stand her and that i had to look at other living options.

but it wasn't until my macbook and email and bank account got hacked into, that i really made up my mind. at first, i thought that it was just my online stuff that had been hacked into, but i realised later that the hackers probably hacked into my computer, and that it must have been through my internet cable. so i talked to her about it and said that i had spoken to a few of my really techie friends and they all agree that the hackers might have hacked in through the internet. i said that i think it's possible and i asked if she had firewall and a password set. she said she didn't know. so i asked if i could get someone to put a firewall and password up, and her answer was something like, "i don't know what's a firewall and i don't know how to do that and i don't wanna touch it and mess anything up and i don't want anyone touching it either."

fucked up eh? i wanted to slap her and i secretly wished that her computer would get hacked too.

at that moment i decided, that was that, enough was enough, i cannot live with someone like this.

i was in the middle of my final projects at that time, and once school was over i left new york to go back home. i was supposed to leave her my rent cheque for the month of january before i left, but i realised at the last minute that my bank had yet to send me new cheques for my new account, and i only had my old cheques from the account i had closed after the hacking. i didn't feel comfortable leaving cash behind, sitting on her desk (she had gone back home to toronto), especially since i knew that she had left her keys with two other neighbours and that they would be using the house to keep things for their year-end parties. so i emailed her and she said i'd have to pay a late fee of $35 when i get back.

fine, i thought.

as my holiday ends, she emails me to double-check when i'd get back. and holy crap, she even emailed my dad for god's sakes. when i got back to new york and turned on my mobile in the airport, i realised that she had also tried calling me a few times and had left voice mails. my iphone was not usable while i had been in japan, so i only realised she made those calls when i turned on my phone when i got back in new york. and i don't know why she even bothered calling because i specifically told her in my emails that my phone will not work in japan!!

so i got back to manhattan yesterday morning, tired as hell after a 12 hour flight and lugging 46 kilos of luggage (i brought a lot of books back). i said hi to her and told her i'd give her rent first thing tomorrow, and i go to sleep after a shower.

fast forward to 3 am, like 13 hours after i had first gone to bed. i woke up to pee and she had already gone to sleep. i walk into the bathroom and guess what i see?

yep. there it was, a yellow post-it, stuck on top of the toilet bowl. "good grief" i thought. and went about my business.

i flushed and turned to wash my hands. guess what i saw again?

yep! you guessed it right, another yellow post-it!!

like hello?? i'm not stupid, blind, nor as forgetful as she is, ok. and i've never been late with my rent and my reason for not leaving my rent behind was very valid. and i was already fine with paying whatever late fee, so i don't know what the fuck her problem was. and was i paying the fee to the landlord or to her anyway?!

best thing is, she kept emphasizing a.m., which i'm not sure why because she never wakes up in the morning anyway!! she used to work at a sony studio nearby as a receptionist, but her shift always started in the afternoon so she was never awake in the mornings. after she got fired a few months ago, she continued to wake up after noon everyday, and the only times she would wake up earlier than that was to go to the bathroom, because believe me the lady has bladder problems. no normal person goes to toilet that many times a night.

i got out of bed at about 9 am to go to the bank to get money for my rent, then realised while i was walking there that i was famished from not eating all of yesterday, and having only lousy aeroplane food that i hardly touched the day before. so i bought a huge breakfast, went back home, and really ate too much.

as i expected, she didn't wake up in the a.m. morning. instead, she only woke up at about 2:30pm when i opened the front door to go throw something, and her fucking yappy dog barked her stupid head off. so why the hell did she have to write two idiotic post-its to tell me to pay rent in the morning??

and don't even get me started on that dog. i want to smack it so bad and if it irritates me anymore, i just might. it's one spoilt little brat of a pomeranian with the most irritating high-pitched yap, and trust me she yaps at everything. and once she starts it's like 5 to 10 minutes before she stops. i hate that stupid dog. and my flatmate talks baby-talk with her dog. i think that's gross. i can't stand people who do the baby-talk thing. when i speak to my own dog i speak in a higher pitched voice sometimes, but i don't do the baby-talk thing unless i'm talking to an actual baby.

and can i just go back to bitching about my flatmate again and mention that she has lived in this apartment for 12 years, and some of the things she uses in the place is just as old? example: i bought myself a can of lychees that i had found in the supermarket. i love lychees and it's something i grew up eating, so i was quite excited to see that it was sold in my local supermarket. i came back to my apartment and tried looking for a can-opener, but there wasn't one in the drawer with all the spoons and forks, nor the drawer with the knives. i opened the other drawers and found a can-opener.... but it was super old and super rusty it had things growing on it like a habitat. i nearly puked. "surely this is just lying here and not used??" i thought. i kept my lychees in the fridge and refrained from having to use that disgusting can-opener. when i went down the next day to buy a new opener, i came back and saw that crusty old one, laid out to dry after being washed, but still rusty and crusty and disgusting. "GROSS GROSS YUCK *pui!!*" i said to myself. how could anyone use that kind of thing to open a can of food that would eventually go into your mouth!!! disgusting. as i'm typing this i feel like i should go into the kitchen and take a picture of that gross thing, but she's at home now so i can't do that. which is a pity because seriously, the only way i can prove how gross it is, is with a real visual image.

so anyway, here i am, looking online for apartments in new york, instead of finishing my holiday homework. i was doing my homework all day, but i put my sketchbook down a little while ago when music from the living room was blasting so loud i couldn't concentrate. it was blasting so loud, it drowned out the sound of my tv, even though i turned the volume of my tv up to the loudest notch. oh my god i'm so pissed i'm boiling.

i think it's gonna be more expensive to rent an apartment by myself, but i'm seriously never going to give myself more headaches like this and share a place anymore. no way. no fucking way. i really don't need any of this crap!!

and that music from outside better get turned down soon before i go out and give her a piece of my mind. ugh.



update!!
thanks for your comments. you guys made me laugh. i managed to take a picture of that can-opener. seriously i think it's gross. hope it doesn't spoilt your appetite. hee hee! open up the picture to view a larger image! *wink* click click!

i honestly cannot imagine using that. bleah!

psychotic

i'm talking about my sister. she has been meddling downstairs in the kitchen for the past 4 hours. then she comes upstairs holding a bento box.


yeah. for the past 4 fuckin' hours she's been making a lunch box for that boyfriend of hers who's staying over (again) and sleeping (again)!!!

my GOD.

i rolled my eyes at her but i couldn't roll enough.


when she used to stay in sydney years ago, she would cook meals all the time for her ex. but she's never even cooked a meal for my parents before. when i was still staying in tokyo, she cooked for me when she came to stay over, but i highly suspect that was because she was in my apartment almost free-loading for 3 weeks at a time.


the first time she cooked for him, i was politely asked to make an egg. no silly, not like a normal egg-egg, a japanese omelette (tamagoyaki). so i cooked the egg, and left, while she continued on for a few more hours after that, making a take-out meal, while her darling was asleep!!!

i don't believe it!!

i like cooking and i like cooking for friends. but then, they cook for me all the time too.

all that work for hours when the other half is sleeping very comfortably in an air-conditioned room, is beyond me. is this how m.c.p.s (male chauvinist pigs) are borne?!?!


i thought she might have made extra and my family could probably finally eat something she made. but nope. we ain't that lucky. she said she only made enough for him.

BAH.

for a step-by-step guide to making tamagoyaki, clicky-clicky!

owww

just when i thought my skin was behaving well,
two pimples er, "grew" overnight.
one day i was miss smoothie,
the next day i could feel them in my skin,
those huge a**shole pimple types.
then when i woke up this morning,
the white "head" part was all out!!
(sorry am i grossing anyone out here??)

so i squeezed 'em.

i don't care what people say,
that you shouldn't squeeze your pimples
and blah blah blah.

that's nonsense.

when they are still "un-ripe", i'll leave them be.
but when the white pus comes out,
how can anyone leave it like that and not touch??
i can't go around town like that!! no way.

so now my face has two really angry red spots.
one of the zits was on my chin and those on the chin
are by far the most painful *#&!@*!^@(# ever.


i have a real inferiority complex with my skin.

well my sister never fails to remind me how vain
she thinks i am.
well i am.
if i'm running late and i'm meeting friends,
i won't make them wait, but i'd make my family wait
while i put on some foundation.

i always had pretty good skin, up till when i was about 18.
well yeah there were the teenage-years' zits here and there,
but my skin always behaved pretty good.
once, when i had the rare huge zit on my forehead,
a friend even made a comment like,
"oh yes! finally you have a zit!!"

that all changed when i was about 18-19.

well i went with a friend to get my make-up done for prom.
we were graduating from junior college (like high school)
and at that time i wasn't exactly very good with my make-up.
so i thought, "hell, it sounds like fun", and joined my friend
for a make-up session.

i remember thinking that those brushes looked a bit dirty,
but i thought,
"well what do i know about make-up anyway?"

prom night came and went and i had a ball of a time.
the next day, my face broke out in some allergy attack.
the allergies turned into some gross rash.
the gross rash turned into much grosser pimples.
the pimples became full-blown acne.
i refused to go anywhere.


i had always been a very sociable person,
and i had always loved going out with my friends.
but at that point of time in my life,
i had so much pride (well i still do)
and i refused to be seen like that.

i was also experiencing many upsetting changes
within in my family, and i think all the anger and stress
that had built up within me, decided to just come all out
in full force, and the dirty make-up brushes were
the last straw.

for almost a year, i hid away in my own hermit shell.
i was working at my parents' company, and would tell
all my friends that i was bogged down with work and that
there was no way i could meet.

well i WAS bogged down with work,
but i could make the time if i wanted to,
but i refused.

the problems at home and the stress at work made me
a very very angry person.
i had so much anger in me at that time;
the anger very often turned to tears, and i would cry
many times a week in the privacy of my own home.

having a face like what i had made it all worse.
i had always been very confident in myself,
and had always been a leader in school or
some monitor or class chairman, and had been
captaining my school's hockey team since i was 13.
so you can imagine how much pride i had.

i think the worst thing i ever did, was when i was out
in a supermarket, and saw one of my juniors from school.
i almost, well i practically ran.
just to escape from her.
just so that no one i knew could see me.
because i didn't want anyone to see me.
god, I didn't even wanna see me.
it was pathetic.
i certainly felt pathetic.
i remember i went home and cried.
i thought, "what has become of me?"

i had a very very rough time.

well after some visits to the doctor,
my skin has cleared up.
it's a lot better than what it used to be,
but i still get some really huge pimples
from time to time.
and because i have sensitive skin that scars easily,
they take a long time to heal.

i still have my acne scars from years ago.
it's not that visible sometimes, but it is extremely
visible under certain types of lighting,
even with make-up.
without make-up, it's always a little red
and i hate that.

i do go out without make-up these days,
like when it's super casual.
but because i also believe that one should always
look as presentable as possible,
i do like to use some cover-up when i go out.

my sister thinks i'm crazy.

but i can't help it.

sometimes i look at girls, or even guys,
who have really smooth, spotless skin,
and i get terribly jealous.

i also put on a lot of weight when i was in japan.
most of it was gained in the first few months i was there.
now, i can rattle off in japanese and speaks as quickly
as i can in english.
but back then, i didn't know anyone and i couldn't
communicate very well.
there was the option of making english-speaking
friends, but because i really wanted to learn the
language and learn it well, i forced myself to not
make any english-speaking friends if possible.
so that i had no choice but to learn japanese.

well my plan worked out in the end
and i made tons of friends,
many of whom i became very close with.

but the first few months were very difficult times,
and i was often very very lonely.

my family had always enjoyed good food.
my parents didn't have the luxuries we have now,
when they were younger.
my mom's an excellent cook, but my parents often
brought us to many yummy places for meals,
telling us that they wanted us to enjoy the good life
that they never had.

so when i was lonely, i turned to food.

that never happened when i was in singapore.

in a short span of like 4-5 months,
i put on so much weight,
i couldn't fit into ANY of the clothes
that i had taken along with me to japan.

but staying in japan on my own, gave me a lot of
time to myself, and i think i've really matured over
the last 3 and a half years.

i've learnt to come to terms with a lot of things,
and one of those things, is about how i look.
i don't think i'm particularly ugly,
but i know i'm waaaaay far off the "pretty" zone.
i'm short, and i've put on a lot of weight,
and well, i still hate my scars,
but i'm not so upset about it as i used to be.

okay okay, so sometimes i look in the mirror
and go, "UGGGGGGGGGHH!"

sometimes i really consider asking my parents
for some cash to go do something about my scars.
but i think it'll be really expensive and at 24,
although i'm still a student, i can't just be asking them
for money like that.
how much will it cost anyway, a couple of thousands?

but i think i'm okay with being me for now.
i loathe that i've put on all this weight and can't
wear more fabulous clothes,
but i'm happy.
and now i'm exercising and back to playing hockey,
i'm really feeling good about myself.

although i do wish i had the money to just get
liposuction or something so that it'll save me all
the trouble! haha!
(but i've read and seen pictures of how liposuction
is done and it sounds terribly scary! i don't think
i can handle that!)

oh well. i was never THAT skinny to begin with,
but i was a very healthy and fit person.
i used to run marathons!!
i could run 2.4kilometres in 10 minutes!!
(in singapore schools, we have to run 2.4 kilometres
in a fitness test every year)

i used to have classmates who would faint after just
one lousy kilometre, but the fitness test to me,
was like, easy-peasy!

for hockey trainings, we used to run 4kilometres
and that was just warm up! then it'll be followed by
2 hours of gruelling training under the hot sun,
and we'd do up to 200 push-ups in one session at times.

thinking of how fit i was back then,
and how unfit i am now,
really makes me sick.

i don't want to be like model-perfect-thin
(okay i want, but it won't happen)
but i just want to be fit and healthy like how i used to be.

oh god, i've never ever gone on a diet my whole life.
i have friends around me who are permanently on diets,
but i don't believe in dieting.

but now that i've got some time in singapore,
i'm gonna really work hard to get back into shape,
and if it means also cutting down on yummy food,
then....sigh... i guess i'll have to. boohoo.



anyway, it's really late into the night now,
almost 4:50am as i'm typing this.
for the past 24 hours or so,
this really old retro song has been playing in my head.
"love in the first degree".
do you know that song?
by bananarama.
(are they the original? i've no idea)

i love this song.
it's so nice and dance-y,
makes me feel like going karaoke.
this is like my all-time favorite retro song.
it's been a favorite since i was a kid in the '80s.

i did a search for this video
and watched it for the first time in my life.
wow, it's really the '80s.
everyone looks gay! haha!!
the guys are girls and the girls are guys!
check out those male dancers!!
they are like 100 times more graceful than i'll ever be!
wow!

"only you can set me free
cos i'm guilty (guilty!)
guilty as a girl can be
come on baby can't you see
i stand accused of love in the first degree"


please watch it!!
turn up the volume and dance around madly!
do your best shimmies!

rude singaporeans

me. i am. melting.

i was out today and i saw this guy wearing
a woolly sweater over a turtleneck.
does he know it's like 35 degrees celcius!!
good lord.

i realised today that i complain a lot.
not that i mean to.
nor am i some unhappy person or something.
it's just that it's this personal pet peeve when
things aren't up to standards.
or when you meet rude people.

i hate bad service.
rude sales-people.
rude waiters.
people who can't string a proper english sentence together.
parents who do not discipline their screaming children.
people who blatantly cut queue and pretend they didn't.
i hate them.

maybe, i had been living in a too-polite country
for too long.
but singapore is just getting ridiculous.
i've been back here a little over 2 weeks now,
and every day i meet people who deserve slapping.

like when we went to lunch about a week ago,
to tonkichi at isetan scotts.
my family and i go there pretty often because
it's the only place we know that serves proper tonkatsu.
although i could understand that it was family day and
i do expect for there to be kids around,
i cannot believe that parents can let their children run free.
it's a restaurant, not a fucking park!!

for goodness' sakes,
make your children shut up and sit down!!

there were kids running around and screaming and
playing catching and climbing all over the seats!!
it's not the children who are at fault, but STUPID parents
who fail to reprimand their own kids and keep them
under control.
they obviously have absolutely zero respect for others!!

when i was younger, my parents made sure i sat quietly
at the table when we were out.
if we were at home and i wanted to run around naked,
sure, who cared??
but not when you're out in the public and disturbing others!!

kids nowadays have no manners and it's because
their own parents have none either.

at the same restaurant, we had the lousiest service
by this waitress who obviously chose her own english name.
if i remember correctly, her name was alicious.
no, not alicia, but alicious.
you know, like delicious.
alicious came to take our order, but just as my sister,
who was the first to order, opened her mouth to say what
she wanted, alicious, who obviously wasn't paying attention,
turned to say something to her colleague.
she then turned back and said,"sorry?"

then my sister said,"i want a..."

alicious, failed to pay attention (again),
cut off my sister (again),
and turned to say something to her colleague (again).

my sister said,"are you going to take our orders or not?"

alicious,"oh sorry sorry, what did you say?"

i had a good mind to whack her head.

thank god for the manager who saw me glaring.


then there was this other incident at singtel,
where i went to sign up for a mobile phone connection.
i patiently waited for my turn, standing there for at least
10 minutes because there was only one miserable guy
serving behind the counter.
then just as the previous customer walked away and
it was finally my turn, this other guy came out of NOWHERE,
and started asking questions to the guy behind the counter!!
i was so pissed off!

so i ignored him and told SingtelGuy that i wanted
to sign up for a new line.
RudeGuy interrupts with another question.
SingtelGuy decides to be of service to BOTH of us,
and checks answers to RudeGuy's AND my questions!
so i asked SingtelGuy, "is there a reason i had to queue up?"

SingtelGuy,"i'm sorry ma'am, but i'm also checking for you."

"yah but why are you checking for him?? i've lined up and
waited for ten minutes!!"

"yes ma'am, but i will check for you first."

RudeGuy cuts in with another fucking question.

"then why did i have to queue up if people barge in from all over!!"
saying it loud and clear for that RudeGuy to hear.

"yes ma'am, sorry ma'am."

that asshole looked at me with a stupid i-didn't-do-anything-wrong
face, then his girlfriend comes over and looks at me as if i was the
one who had cut their queue. i widened my eyes and glared right back.

bloody hell.

so you see, i think i complain a lot.
like how i'm really peeved that many younger singaporeans
cannot speak proper english.
(but that's another story)
but i feel i have grounds to be irritated.

thank god my parents made sure i grew up with manners.
thank god i know how to say "please" and "thank you"
and "have a nice day!" and thank god i know how to smile,
even to strangers.

one thing i hate about japan

i'm here in sunny singapore. actually, what i meant was, really-hot,
i-need-to-dunk-my-head-in-a-bucket-of-ice-water,
sunny singapore.

it's really hot.

so it's been about 4 days now, since i've been back here.
everything has happened so fast and i've been so busy and tired.

i nearly went crazy on saturday, the day before i left japan.

i had to call up all the gas, electricity, etc companies,
to tell them that i was leaving, so bill me and stop the service
the next day (i was leaving early morning at 7 am on sunday).
i think i quarreled with almost every single one of those idiots.

i'm telling you, i love japan, really i do.
but the whole country is SO GOD-DAMN ANAL.
they have a certain rule book that they HAVE to follow
and if you ask them to just deviate slightly from the normal route,
they get lost and don't know what to do!!

the country is supposed to be one of the the most
technologically advanced nations in the whole world,
but they have got to be the most backward
in terms of the way they think.

like when i do things, i like to go directly from point A to Z,
cut all the crap in between and get things done asap.
but nooooooooooo. if you are japanese, you basically like to travel
the ultra-long route and go from points A, to B, to C...
before finally arriving at Z.
everytime there is a particular procedure to be done,
the whole thing could take hours,
when it should have been completed in under half-an-hour.

take for example: i wanted to cancel my internet and phone line.
so i called up the number that was written on my bills.
"for change in address, moving, cancellation of lines:
in osaka, call xxxx1
in hokkaido, call xxx2, etc etc,
in tokyo, call xxxx3."

so i called up xxxx3 for tokyo.

the lady at the other end asked for my name, my customer id,
and to confirm that it was me calling,
i had to tell her my phone number and my address.

but because i was calling from tokyo, TO the tokyo line,
when i told her my address, i omitted the words "tokyo prefecture"
when i said my address.

there was a long pause, then she asked,"are you calling from tokyo?"

"yes."

"would you please repeat your address, and say that you are from tokyo?"

"what?"

"we need to make sure your address is in tokyo."

so i repeated my whole entire address,
and told her "yes i am from TOKYO TOKYO TOKYO!!"

but guess what? after she made me confirm all that crap, she said,
"thank you, miss gilda. now that i have confirmed that you are
indeed miss gilda, i will give you the phone number to call
to cancel your internet line."

WHAT THE...

"then what number is this that i am calling now?
it says here on my bills, to call this number to cancel my lines."

"yes, this number is for canceling of lines."

"so why do i need to call another number???"

"you cannot cancel your internet service here."

i swear i could have killed her.

so i had to call ANOTHER number, and again go through
the stupid procedure of name, customer id,
phone number, and address!!

that's not all. after that, i called the water company.

i told them the same story,
that i was leaving early sunday morning, so bill me till sunday,
but to please come around today and collect the money.
they told me they wouldn't do that.
they couldn't bill me extra, and that they would come
and collect on sunday before i left.
so there i was rolling my eyes and asking the guy on the line,
if he was coming around at 7 am cos that's the time i would be leaving.

he said,"no, we do not operate at that hour."

"fine, so come and bill me today and i will pay extra till tomorrow."

"no, we will come and collect from you tomorrow."

i think i nearly started shouting after that.
"DID YOU HEAR ME!!! I SAID I WAS LEAVING AT 7 AM!!!"

"but miss, we do not operate at that hour."

GOD I HATE JAPAN.

so after like 20 minutes he finally agreed to get someone
to come and check my meter, and bill me on the spot.
but then after that, he started a new round of questions.
"between now and tomorrow when you leave your apartment,
are you going to be using a lot of water?"

"well i will take a shower and i will wash my face when i get up."

"will you be taking a long bath?"

"no, like i said, i will only take a quick shower and wash my face."

"so you will not be taking a long bath."

"NO, I SAID I WON'T!"

"so will you use a lot of water when you take a shower?"

"what?? i don't know. i might also use the toilet a few times."

"will you use a lot of water when you use the toilet?"

my god. i didn't know how to answer all those questions.
"do YOU use a lot of water when YOU go to the toilet??
how much water am i allowed to use?
if i go over that limit, do i not flush??"

really. by then, i was sick of all those stupid questions.
my friends who had come over to help me pack,
were laughing and giggling, and saying,
"hahaha. singaporean quarreling in japanese."

SO not funny.


but i think the worst came about with the international calling line.
(in japan, the international phone line is different
from the regular one.)
that bugger on the other end, obviously didn't know his job,
and kept putting me on hold while he checked the answer
to my questions with someone else.
even though that company was the biggest in japan, he insisted that
there was NO WAY for him to check how many calls i have made,
and that i could only be billed at the end of the month.

i was like,"yeah but i'm not gonna be here after tomorrow!"

"but we will bill you at the end of the month."

"are you going to send my bill to singapore?"

"no miss, we will send your bill to your japan address."

"but i won't be here so who's gonna pay?"

".................."

"are you telling me that the biggest phone company in japan,
does NOT have a proper computerized system,
to tell me my phone usage?"

"yes miss."

what?
"so what do i do now?
wait, don't you have many foreigners who have signed up with you?"

"yes we have millions."

"and what do they do when they leave the country?"

"that's true..."

"what??! so you don't know either?"

"many of them don't pay up."

AND I KNOW WHY!!!



seriously.

i wanted to bomb all of them.
thank GOD the electric company was nice and quick.
my phone call to them was over in 5 minutes.
an hour later, some guy came over to collect my bill
and it was all over.

why couldn't everything be as easy as that?

does every foreigner go through this headache when they leave japan?

the saga continues.


anyway.
my last few days were basically spent going crazy
and trying to get everything into boxes.
3 of my friends had stayed over since friday to help.
then when i had to leave,
eri and reiko went to see me off as i hailed a cab,
and sasan shared the cab with me to the station.

just as i was about to get on, she handed me this book.
apparently, the last week or so, she and a few friends had gathered
goodbye messages from all my friends in school.
they had compiled it all into a little notebook for me to take along.
i think i nearly cried right there.
but i bid eri and reiko farewell and got on the cab.

everything was in a blur from then on as i had to hurry to the station.
but on the bus to the airport, i had 90 minutes with nothing else to do,
so i started to read the book. i think i started bawling.
thank god i had a little face towel in my bag.

reaching the airport, a million emails came flooding in
and reading them made me cry.
i called up a few people and said goodbye.
took a picture of the plane i was going to take,
posted it up on my japanese blog, wrote a long "thank you" post,
and got on the plane.

i think i made another mistake of watching a really sad movie on board.

basically, 30 minutes before we were about to land in singapore,
my left eye decided enough was enough, and started to swell.
it started with a small, mosquito-bite look-a-like spot,
right under my left eye. then two, then three,
then they all started joining together
to form the mother of all eye allergies.

i checked in the mirror and got a shock.
i looked like a goldfish.

i've had these before.
i knew what it was going to become.
and god, i looked like shit.

i tried to hide behind my hair and scarf.
but nothing helped.
i wish i had an eye-patch.
but i looked like the devil.
or the fishmonger from hell.

well me and my rotten luck, i landed to find out
that we had arrived WAY ahead of schedule.
so when i called my dad on his mobile, he said,
"huh! you've landed? i'm still at home!!"

so i took a cab back.
it was the first time i had ever taken a taxi home from the airport.
and all by myself!!

i can't believe i didn't get picked up!
so me and my bright gold backpack and
duty-free yummy japanese cookies, my huge suitcase,
AND my mannequin (my torso that i use for creating
3-d designs.yeah i carted it back.), we all climbed into a taxi.
i was carrying so many things,
the driver asked if i was running away.

har har. very funny. shoosh and just keep driving.

we were supposed to go for dinner, but with my eye like that,
i didn't really want to go.
it had pretty much settled down with the help of anti-histamines,
and many drops of eyedrop.
but it was still swollen.

so i hopped into the shower and washed my face.
but my entire face broke out in a weird allergic rash,
and it itched like crazy and turned into an angry red color!

i swear, i'm allergic to singapore!

my sister ran over and gave me some cream for hives
and i was frantically rubbing loads into my skin,
all the while asking if it were safe to use on the face.
at that time i REALLY didn't wanna go for dinner.

besides, i had initially planned my flight so that
i would arrive back in singapore,
in time to celebrate mothers' day with my mom.

but.
my mother had been in koh samui and her flight was delayed,
and so she called and said she wasn't in the mood!
so we went for our mothers' day dinner, without my mom!!

does that make any sense??



to top off a bad week,
i've lost the charger for my camera.
it was a stand that my camera would sit in,
and i needed to connect the wires to charge it,
and also the usb cable that goes to my computer.
i've lost that stand, and so all my pictures can't be uploaded,
nor can i charge my camera!!

it's driving me mad.

the only thing that is consoling me now is that
i have stolen my dad's canon eos 30d.
yippee!!

also, my mum seems a little pleased
with the jacket that i'd made for her.
she wore it to the office today and she said everyone loved it.
well if it made her smile a bit, then it was all worth while.

anyway i hope i manage to find that camera stand in the stores soon.
have loads to upload!!

i've got a tiring day up ahead tomorrow.
gonna be meeting up with my juniors from my field hockey club.
pretty excited.
well i should probably be sleeping now. it's like 6am!!

how are the rest of you doing??
email me!



with much love,
gilda

leaving on a jet plane

it's 5:30 in the morning here.
i'm leaving my house at about 7,
and taking off at 11am in the morning.

yeah... the only song stuck in my head is...

"all my bags are packed, i'm ready to go..
i'm standing here outside your door,
i'd hate to wake you up to say goodbye...

cos i'm leaving on a jetplane,
don't know when i'll be back again,
oh babe, i hate to go..."


i don't even know if i got the lyrics right.


3 friends, eri, reiko and sasan came over to help.
they're sleeping now, poor things;
they must be exhausted.

i have such wonderful friends.

my heart is breaking and i'm about to cry.

i can't believe i'm leaving japan.

i dreamt of coming here,
wanted to come here,
came here,
lived my dream here,
and now...

it's all going to be in the past.


but it's not going to be sayonara (goodbye)
it's going to be mata-ne (see you again).

arigatou.

bonkers

i'm goin' nuts.
i'm leaving japan on sunday morning.
for good.
holy.
i can't take that thought.
i mean, sure, i'm gonna come back again to
watch a concert in summer,
so i know i'll be back again every year.
but, the thought of me leaving all my friends here,
and all the wonderful japanese food,
and oh the fashion, the beautiful clothes...
you can't get clothes like japanese clothes anywhere.
they say paris is the fashion capitol.
for high-fashion, yeah i guess so,
but if you stand in the middle of harajuku,
that's a fashion catwalk in everyday life.

i'm gonna miss all this.


the other reason i'm going crazy is,
like i said i'm leaving on sunday morning.
early morning.
at the moment, it is 4:35am tokyo time,
friday morning (the 11th).

i haven't finished packing.

my house is a junkyard at the moment.

i'm dying
and will probably have a panic attack tomorrow.


i also have a million pictures i wanna put up
but i don't have the time.

plus, tomorrow my computer will be in it's box,
and put on a ship.
two days without a computer (that is also my tv)!!

seriously. i might die.

in any case i've gotta go back to packing.
but i have so many things that i haven't used
for ages and ages but i can't bear to throw them away!!

there are so many things left to do.

i'm in big big trouble.

i don't wanna leave japan!! & today's get-up 02may2007

what the....
i had just spent the last hour or so
typing a post, and the window froze
so i lost everything. grrr.

i went to visit bunka, my old school, today.
many of my friends have gone up to the
advanced 3rd year course,
(i finished the 2 year course)
and many others have graduated with me
and started work.

they've all been so busy and i haven't seen
many of them ever since we graduated in march.
well i haven't been to school since march.

so today, i went out to the back lane,
to buy a bento and came back to have lunch
in the courtyard with my friends.

just like old times.



the damned wave called nostalgia
hit me hard again.
when i went up to where the classrooms were,
everywhere i went,
people were,
"oh gilda!! how have you been?"
"gilda~~!! congrats on parsons!!"
"gilda!! when are you leaving?!?!"
"*scream* gilda!! *scream* *hug hug*"

god i miss them.

just when you start
complaining about all the homework
and how you wish there was no school,
it ends and you miss it and you miss all your friends.

as i went down the elevator to the lobby
and walked out of school,
i almost started to cry.

once i leave, it'll be a while before
i get to see everyone again.
i've gotta come back for a few more visits,
and meet everyone before i leave.

it really sucks.

3 years ago when i left singapore,
i had the same feeling.
it was the first time i had to live alone,
the first time i had to leave my family and
all my friends behind.

but for the last 3 years,
japan has become home.

as excited as i am to go new york,
i can't bear to leave all that i have here.

sigh.

i went to the bank after that
to get all my addresses changed.
i can't believe i was there for like 1.5 hours!!

i was feeling really shitty.
and when i feel shitty,
what cheers me up best is...


tralala~~!


window shopping!!


of course, i do buy sometimes,
but i don't, many other times.
and i try on anything that interests me.
i look closely at how the clothes are made
when i try them on. so i learn in the meantime.

that might sound really mean, but
my theory is, if i try, i might like.
if i like, i buy!
if i buy, the sales people earn their money,
and everyone's happy!!

see?

it's easy.

here's what i was wearing today.
some people call me mad,
but 80% of my clothes are all unique.

・ tall, black hat by ne-net
・ cheap, 5 dollar t-shirt
・ pink dress by nadine zlotogora
・ blue jeans by rna
・ necklace (with small soft toys!) by mercibeaucoup
・ black studded leather boots by junya watanabe

and this is what i found at mercibeaucoup,
one of my favorite brands.
it's so cute!!
i loved it.

*burp*

no, i'm not trying to be funny.
i just can't stop burping.

i've never been a burper.
(by the way, is there such a word?)
i never did used to burp.
i could drink a whole bottle of coke and not burp.
it'll be quite something if i burped more than
say, 3 times a year.

but in the last 2 years,
something's like majorly wrong with my body.
i can't figure out what it is.

i think i've stored up all these burps from
many many non-burp years,
and now it's just all comin' right out.
like some never-ending story.

i've been to the doctors to check it out twice.
i've have tubes inserted in me to have a look around.
i've taken my medicines,
finished those damned anti-biotics.
but nothing's worked.

in fact, recently it's just gone from bad to worse.
i think i can burp like 1793728 times in a row.
just burp burp burp burp... bbbbbburp burp bURP.
you get the picture.

it's disgusting.
well I AM disgusted.

the funny thing is that i only start burping when i'm home.
it just keeps coming and i can't stop!!
there are days when it's not so bad.
but there are days when the burps are
seriously never-ending
and i sound like hiccups gone wrong.
you know, not the BURP kind but like b, b, b, burp,
in a hicuppy rhythm.

HAHAHA.

damn, i tried to laugh but it's not even funny.

today is an especially bad day.
my entire tummy is probably filled with gas
(and NO i do not have constipation, thank you very much)
and worse, the burps won't come out,
so i actually feel nauseus and really feel like vomitting.
i get tears welling up in my eyes,
from a burp stuck in my throat.

how fucking gross is that.

when the doctors couldn't find anything medically wrong,
and all the pills they prescribed didn't work,
i tried changing my entire diet.

that didn't work either.

so i've given up and succumbed to burping.
i'm destined to be a 24 year-old girl in a
65 year-old's rotting body.
or is it the other way around.
a 65 year-old in a 24 year-old's body?

whatever.

*no offence to anyone 65.
i have grandparents way older than that.

~sigh~

i can't take this any longer.

i'm tired. literally.
i've been up all night cos you know,
i've been all excited since last night HEH HEH HEH
for very good reasons, and wasn't able to sleep.
which isn't a big problem cos
i have all sorts of weird sleeping hours and
stay up all night many times a month.

but i'm tired from packing my room
(i'm moving), and plus this stupid burp's getting
in my way.
it's just killing me dammit.


oh, sorry if that just all sounded real disgusting.
don't worry.
i'm quite grossed out myself too.
with myself.
ugh.


ps: i recently realised that i'm seeing a black spot.
like when i look at things, there is a small tiny black spot.
when i try to chase it with my eye, i can't.
cos duh, it's in my eye.

so great.
now,
not only am i the queen of the burps,
i've got a freakin' dotted eye!!!

my whole body's probably fucked up.
i gotta get myself checked up when i go home.